I have been thinking about this blog post for a while. Probably 9-10 months when I look back. I have been holding back for fear of the shoe dropping. I am two and a half weeks away from my second baby’s birth day, give or take. And I feel guilty for writing, “second,” as I vividly remember the second actually passed before getting the chance to be a “live” second. We await our rainbow. And there is still so much that could happen that I fear at times. I catch myself thinking of the “what ifs,” and have to distract myself in order to remain sane and carry on in this world….a world that is unpredictable, full of surprises, both good and bad.
I will always remember March 28th as the due date that came and was gone. And as December 19th approaches, I am filled with renewed hope while simultaneously reminded of that unpredictable world. But March 28th is also significant in the time this child was conceived. I do believe God works in mysterious ways.
As I near the end of this pregnancy, I feel full of blessings. So far, it’s been healthy and relatively uneventful. With my first pregnancy, I was of course very anxious in anticipation, wanting the day to come sooner than later. With this one, although I am still eager, I have a new appreciation and understanding of the importance of them staying settled and “cooking” as long as he/she needs. In the next few weeks I also plan to savor my last moments with Violet as my only child. That brings up even more mixed feelings for me, as I simply cannot fathom loving another little human as much as I love her. She has filled my life with such joy that how can any next act compare to that? But as many of my friends and family with more than one child say, our hearts have an infinite amount of love for each and every baby we are blessed with, and the heart actually seems to grow larger and larger. When I catch myself daydreaming of this soon arrival, I recall the very moment when Jordan was allowed the opportunity to be the first person to tell me that our child was a girl, as he placed her on my chest for first time. It was music to my ears and heart. I hope Jordan is given this same opportunity this next time, and I get to see him beam in pride. I also cannot wait to witness Violet as she becomes the older sibling—the one who will be his or her role model, mentor, confidant, but at times likely her enemy, nemesis, and antagonist…let’s be real.
I do have do have much to be thankful for today and every day. My heart is filled with joy, love, and gratitude. Happy Holidays to all of you.